Sunday, March 30, 2008

Don't Kick The Animals


A little farm boy was walking to the school bus one morning when he began kicking farm animals. First he kicked a pig. Then he kicked a chicken. Lastly he kicked a cow.

His mother, watching from the kitchen window decided she would handle the situation after he returned from school. When he comes home from school, his mother confronts him and says "I seen you this morning kicking those farm animals. since you kicked a pig you get no pork products for a week. Since you kicked a chicken you get no eggs for a week. Since you kicked a cow, you get no beef products for a week. Now go wait for your father and tell him what you have done. "

The young boy goes and waits for his father. When his father comes home from a long day of work he is so mad he kicks the cat across the front yard. The boy looks to his mother and says "You wanna tell him no pussy or do you want me to?"

God And Men's Sex Lives

When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to budge. Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 years.

"But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten years is plenty."

"May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey agreed. The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again Man asked for the remaining ten. Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten years and got them.

This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself.

Mall

Sa mall...

Lola: hwag kang bibitiw sa palda ko,apo..baka ka mawala.

Apo: Opo,yoya.

(After 2 hrs)

Lola: guard,may nakita ba kayong bata na may dalang palda?

Friday, March 28, 2008

Knock! Knock!

:) Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.

:)Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

:)Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Special Persons

Special Persons are part of my memories that even time can never erase. And when I’m blessed with a person like you, my memories are worth keeping forever… :)

Computer Evolution

Boy: “Daddy? How did I come into this world?”

Dad: “Listen carefully. Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cafe, Dad connected to Mom. Mom at that time, made some downloads from Dad’s memory stick. When Dad finished uploading, we discovered we did not use firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later, we ended up with a virus...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Funny 2: Brain Upgrade

We will now upgrade your brain.

Please wait....

Searching....

Searching...

still searching....

ooooooooopsss!

sorry, NO BRAIN found...

Funny 1: Email Password

A guy was setting up his new e-mail account while his girlfriend sat beside him. Feeling all macho, he put in "penis" as his password. His girlfriend fell off her chair laughing when the error message reads PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH!

:) :)